So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
