at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm like, not good at living.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
