The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
