No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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