How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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