So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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