Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
