I just made out with a guy for $7.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
