Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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