hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
