so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
