I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ugly people sure do ruin things
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
