My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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