Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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