so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I stole a fireplace last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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