The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
