apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
