Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
