I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
