I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
