'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
