Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
