She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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