My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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