Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
