I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
