he wants to bone in the snuggie
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
