He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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