did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
