you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
