I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
