I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
