I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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