So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
