piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
