I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
