If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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