Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
