Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
