Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
