we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
