I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
