Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
