you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
