i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
