If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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