OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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