Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
