Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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