I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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