Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
