Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
