He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want a musical about memes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
