you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
