you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the liver wants what the liver wants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
