My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
